


not wrong

by wholesome_gay



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: First Kiss, First War with Voldemort, Getting Together, M/M, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Matchmaker Lily, POV Sirius Black, Party, Pining, Post-Hogwarts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-18
Updated: 2019-08-18
Packaged: 2020-09-07 03:36:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,964
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20302810
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wholesome_gay/pseuds/wholesome_gay
Summary: Lily has a bit of advice for Sirius.





	not wrong

**Author's Note:**

> Now with art by @narrowredoubt from tumblr!

Sirius stood on the balcony of the flat he shared with James, smoking a cigarette. Inside, a party was occuring - a rather tame one, all things considered. Sirius watched his breath disappear into the London night sky, then turned his attention to Remus, who he could see laughing through the window.

Sirius wondered how he’d allowed Remus to take up such a large, permanent residence in his mind. It wasn’t a problem, exactly. Right now it was just fine. It was less fine when, for example, Remus fell asleep on his shoulder or when Sirius woke up in the middle of the night from a dream with Remus’s name on his lips.

Sirius put his hands in the pockets of his leather jacket. He liked autumn, but his cold fingers begged to differ.

Light spilled onto the balcony as Lily stepped outside. The sounds of cheerful voices momentarily escaped before she shut the door.

“Hello, Evans.”

Lily nodded at him cordially and leaned against the banister, mirroring his pose.

Sirius wordlessly passed her a cigarette. He lit it with the tip of his wand as she inhaled. It was funny, now, to remember the times when she couldn’t even stand to be in his presence. To be fair, it had been a mutual feeling. But once he got over sharing James with her - quite magnanimous of him, really - Sirius actually liked Lily Evans.

“Oh, Merlin’s bloody pants, Sirius. Just tell him!” Lily exclaimed suddenly.

“Tell who what?” he asked, sounding defensive. Bollocks.

“Oh, please.” She elbowed him. “I’m not an idiot, and I know you aren’t, either.”

Sirius couldn’t count all the times she’d called him an idiot in years past. It’s possible that he deserved some of them. Some. He crushed the stub of his cigarette with his boot. Maybe if he didn’t say anything, Lily would drop the subject. Unlikely, though. She was an unstoppable force, when she wanted to be.

“Come on, Sirius. Everybody knows.”

“Knows what?” he ventured.

Lily continued as though he hadn’t interrupted. “Except him, of course. You know how he is. Remus doesn’t think anybody could look at him that way.”

This was not a conversation Sirius ever expected to have with Lily Evans. Was she exaggerating when she said everyone knows? Was he really that transparent? Well, subtly had never been his forte. Still. He wasn’t embarrassed, but it was no one else’s bloody business.

“There’s really no need to tell him,” Sirius said resolutely, watching Remus through the window as he downed a glass of mead. The way his throat moved when he swallowed was mesmerizing.

Lily rudely blew smoke in his face. Sirius was rethinking his newly favorable opinion of her.

“Why not?” she pressed.

“Well, Moony, you know…” Sirius made a vague motion with his hand. “He likes girls.” As opposed to someone he’d shared a dormitory with for seven years, for example.

“He likes you,” Lily said simply.

“Shut up, Evans. You’re having me on. In my own home, too.” Sirius gave her a shove towards the door.

Lily swatted at him. “I’m not.”

“Well, how would you know, anyway?” Sirius was suddenly overwhelmed by the possibility that she was right. Terrified, actually.

“He all but told me so himself, in sixth year.” Lily’s voice had taken on a softer tone. Her expression had, as well - or at least he suspected. He couldn’t bring himself to look her in the eye. He was caught up with imagining the conversation Remus and Lily supposedly had.

“In sixth year?” He became aware that his mouth was hanging open stupidly when Lily snickered at him. “Why are you telling me this now?”

“Well, I didn’t think I should interfere. But you two are taking so bloody long.” She lowered her voice, set her jaw, and looked him in the eye. “There’s a war on, Sirius.”

He could tell that Lily had come to terms with the fact that what was happening was much bigger than any of them, and it could take any of them without warning. Sirius was struggling to accept that. He was only nineteen, for fuck’s sake. Sometimes it felt like he wasn’t allowed to be. He’d thought that leaving Hogwarts and finally getting his own place - well, his and James’ - would mean independence, freedom from authority, but then there was the Order. There was the Order because there was a war, and there was a war because of people like his family, who he often wished would simply disappear from the face of the earth.

But he knew what Lily was saying. There might not be much time left. He ought to tell him while he still could, while Remus was still in sight, still laughing - still breathing, because that wasn’t a given, was it? While they could still have parties, because even if the world might end, it wouldn’t end just yet. Right?

Lily patted him on the shoulder. “At least think about it,” she said, making her way back inside.

He was definitely thinking about it. Remus certainly wasn’t the type to make the first move. He made overthinking into a hobby. And he must not know that Sirius wanted him, if only because Sirius had a habit of taking what he whatever wanted as soon as possible. Except when it actually mattered.

Pushy, self-righteous redhead. It wasn’t like she’d been in his position. James had been head-over-heels for her since first year. And James hadn’t witnessed Lily’s every idiotic mistake, and they didn’t have eight years of friendship on the line when they first started messing around. She had no right to tell Sirius what to do.

He reached into a pocket for another smoke, cursing under his breath when he realized he’d given Lily the last one. She didn’t even deserve it. Would have been nice if James had shacked up with some bird a tad less observant.

Sirius leaned over the railing and watched a rat skitter around in the alley below. It really didn’t matter, anyway, if Lily was right. Remus was too good for Sirius. No doubt Sirius would hurt him without even trying to, being the fuck-up that he too often was. Remus deserved someone better. Someone careful, gentle.

The balcony door slid open again, and Sirius turned around to see Remus step through. Excellent timing. He smiled at Sirius as he shut the door, face flushed with alcohol.

“Hey, Pads,” he said, bumping his shoulder against Sirius affectionately.

“‘Lo, Moony.” Sirius tried to look as much as possible like he wasn’t thinking about tracing lines between Remus’s freckles with his fingertips, or his tongue. “Haven’t got a fag, have you?”

“I’ve got something better,” Remus said with a wink.

Remus John Lupin was going to drive Sirius to an early death.

He produced a joint from his coat pocket. “You looked like you could use a bit of company,” he said to Sirius.

Sirius shrugged and took the proffered spliff, which had been rolled neatly with careful Moony fingers. This, unfortunately, was the closest Sirius would ever get to having Moony’s fingers in his mouth.

Remus lit it for him and Sirius inhaled slowly. It was the Muggle kind, but Sirius wasn’t complaining. He passed it to Remus and sighed a little more loudly than intended.

“What’s on your mind?” Remus asked lightly.

“Nothing, really.” I just want you to shag me senseless, he imagined saying. And, worse, then kiss the scars on your nose and the dark circles under your eyes. God, he was such a bloody nance.

Remus shook his head. “You’re a worse liar than Pete.”

“Hey!”

Remus smiled. “‘Hey’? That’s all you’ve got?”

“I’m an excellent liar, actually, when I want to be,” Sirius responded, jutting his chin out.

“Oh, really? What’s something you’ve lied about that you think I believed?” Remus was still smiling, but there was a challenge in his eyes.

“Well…” Sirius was trying to think of something that Remus wouldn’t hate him for. “In fifth year, I told you and James that I shagged Marlene McKinnon in a broom closet.”

Remus laughed. “Well, I knew that wasn’t true.”

Sirius huffed in disappointment.

“I mean, she’s as gay as the day is long, and you’re-” Remus stopped suddenly, and took a long pull from the joint.

“I’m what?” Sirius said incredulously. “What, Moony?”

“Also that,” Remus finished meekly, ducking his head.

“Oh.” Sirius crossed his arms tightly and stared at the sliver of the Thames he could see in the distance. How did he know? Sirius was going to kill James. No, no - he wouldn’t have told. More likely, Remus noticed the way Sirius had been looking at him for the past two or three years. Ah, fuck. He was such an idiot. Moony was right; he was a terrible liar, even without having to say words. “Well.”

For a while, nothing was said. Sirius idly considered whether jumping off the balcony would be enough to end his misery. Probably not. They were only four floors up.

“I have a theory about why you would tell James, but not me,” Remus said eventually.

“James told-”

“No, no.” Remus waved his hand as if Sirius were being ridiculous.

“Alright,” Sirius said, trying not to grit his teeth. “What’s your brilliant theory? Do you think it’s because James is my best mate? Astute observation.”

“No,” Remus said, infuriatingly calm. Actually, no, not calm - cautious. “I think…” Remus looked Sirius in the eye. “I think it’s because you fancy me.”

Sirius could feel the blood drain from his face. Then it came flooding back, because suddenly, he was angry. “Alright, I get it, fine. I’m bloody obvious, and it’s hilarious. You’ve all been having a laugh behind my back for fuck knows how long. Fine.”

Sirius made toward the door but Remus grabbed his arm to stop him. Sirius tried to yank his arm away, but Remus had a strong grip.

“Not laughing,” Moony said, and Sirius grudgingly turned around to face him. Remus wore an expression of determination. “I’ve been working up a bit of courage.”

“To do what? Beat me to a pulp for daring to look at your arse?” Sirius snorted, hoping he sounded snarky and not how he felt, like a dog with its tail between its legs.

“Sirius, do you have to make everything so bloody hard?” Remus asked irritably. Then he put his hand on the back of Sirius’s neck and pulled him into a kiss.

For a moment, Sirius’s mind refused to form a single coherent thought. Then Remus moved back slightly, though his face was still only a few inches away. He was looking at Sirius like he was waiting for an answer.

Sirius couldn’t think of any words to sum up what he was feeling, so he leaned in and kissed Remus back.

It was even better than Sirius had imagined. He combed one hand through Remus’s hair and had the other at his waist. Remus crowded Sirius up against the railing of the balcony. He unzipped Sirius’s jacket and got his hands up under his shirt. Moony’s fingertips were cold and his palms warm. Sirius felt like there was liquid fire running through his veins. Better than any drug he’d tried. This wasn’t something he was going to regret in the morning.

There was a sharp tap on the sliding glass door. Sirius turned toward it reflexively, and so did Moony.

“About time!” James shouted, grinning. Then he pulled the curtain shut.

Remus rested his head on Sirius’s shoulder and laughed. “He’s not wrong,” Remus said, his lips brushing against Sirius’s neck as he spoke.

“No,” Sirius agreed. He wasn't wrong. And this wasn't wrong. This was the least wrong thing Sirius had ever done in his life.

**Author's Note:**

> A big thank you to narrowredoubt for his wonderful art! Check out his tumblr. 
> 
> And you can find me here: moonynpadfootforever.tumblr.com


End file.
